You have probably heard the saying “Stay positive and everything will turn out alright!”
Although I do believe in having a positive mindset and seeing the glass as half full, instead of half empty, I sometimes feel positivity may give people the wrong impression.
In general, if you’re a positive person, people are attracted to you. The good and the bad. If it’s other positive people that you like, then great. It’s a nurturing relationship - no matter how short or long. However, if it’s attracting people that you don’t like, then you’re going to feel really drained afterwards. Your positive energy feeds into their negative life and you’re like a drug to them which they can’t get enough of.
So when is too much positivity bad for you?
1. When it doesn't belong to you - When you’re trying to be positive for other people.
2. When you're faking it - Telling people you’re okay, you don't need help and everything is going well when it’s not.
3. When you feel guilty for being positive - When you decide to dumb down your happiness for the sake of fitting in or not causing problems in the relationship.
If you’re positive in the 3 scenarios above, it’s all NOT YOU!
You’re either putting a mask on or fooling yourself. You’re not owning how you feel. You’re worried. You feel guilty. You’re second-guessing yourself. This in-congruency causes internal stress, which raises Cortisol levels, the stress hormone also known as the Hormone of Death. This then leads to increase sugar levels, sugar cravings, weight gain, skin breakouts and inflammatory premature lines and wrinkles.
That’s how excessive positiveness can be bad for you!
So what can you do to counteract this.
1. Graciously say No.
I know learning to say “No” is one of the toughest things all of us have to get good at. Saying No to a project because it doesn’t fit your values and goals. Saying No to a good friend looking for a shoulder to cry on because you’re exhausted and need some quiet time yourself. Saying No to making the next cupcake run for your kids school because you’re behind on your work. Saying No to a lover who cheated on you too many times but can never bring yourself to breaking it off completely.
One good way I have learned to say “No” is using this phrase,“I loved to but at the moment, with everything going in my life, I am unable to devote the time and the attention this project (or problem or love life) deserves right now.”
2. Don't apologise for your Sacred Self-Care Sessions.
You will know when you need time out. You don’t need permission for it. Your body will tell you and your skin will show it. Make sure you schedule in some Sacred Self-Care Sessions in your diary and don’t apologies for it. Being a women in modern day life, juggling many roles is not easy. You’re expected to smile, be gracious and be positive all the time.
Everything has 2 sides to it. The Yin and Yang. You can’t have the pleasure without the pain. Day and Night. Happiness and Sorrow. Black and White. U need to have the occasional negative days so you open up more to positive ones. It's a tipping scale. Negativity is like a stone weighing you down - you need a lot of positivity to lift it up. That's why it's so energetically draining.
Too much negativity is not good too. I believe Self-Care is Sacred and a MUST to make sure you get through these negative days with the least amount of damage to your mental, emotional and physical health. It’s NON-NEGOTIABLE!
If you need to, you can use this phrase,“I’m clocking off now for my Sacred Self-Care Sessions to recharge my batteries ready and functioning at my most productive self in this project (home or relationship). I would really appreciate it you could hold all non-urgent calls/request until I get back.”
3. Express it, Don't suppress it.
If something doesn’t feel right, SAY IT! Don’t bottle it up and be all positive about it. If the feeling hurts or disappoint you, that pain is not going anywhere until you let it go. One way of doing that is to express it - either in writing, speaking it or laughing about it. Suppressing it will only turn that bad energy inwards and cause you more stress.You can try this line, “Something’s bothering me and I hope you don’t mind if I express how this situation is making me feel.”
And express it. Don’t suppress and try to sugar coat it.
I hope this blog has helped you avoid the excessive positivity curse.
To tie in with this blog, what better way to summarise it quickly and easily as taking off your makeup, the proper way. No more hiding behind thick layers of makeup, pretending everything is alright. Time to be okay being you. Positively and negatively.
Over to you.
Have you ever been more stressed trying to be TOO positive?Which of these tools I shared with you that you can implement to counteract the negative effects of being too positive?
Let me know your comments below. Would love to hear your feedback.
Until next time, be you and be true.